I am writing this post not because I was hacked or accidentally forgot the password to the dazzling world of social media. Actually, I have my account logged in readily. All I have to do is to pick up my phone and click on the pink bright little icon right on the home screen. Instagram takes you to places you’ve been long to, gives you access to peak lives of others (whether familiar or unfamiliar), and offers you tons of dopamine that keep you excited. Though it seems no problem with instagram participating in my leisure time, the hidden risk has gradually dominated my daily life. Now I am going to share with you how I was aware of the impact of insta and how I finally took back my insta account.
An Ordinary Night
It was an ordinary night. Like any other typical night after I came back to my dorm. Even though I was exhausted and really needed a cold shower, I’d lie on my mattress, hold my phone in hand, and swipe instagram page for thirty minutes or so. After checking friends’ stories and posts, I clicked on the magnifying glass icon to find something interesting. All of a sudden, it struck me that I was not happy with it anymore. All I got from scrolling was emptiness. I was jealous of people enjoying vacations. I even criticised myself seeing pictures of beautiful girls. The worst thing was that I had wasted a bunch of time that I could have read a book, worked on a project, or simply got a good night’s sleep.
Reflection
The first thing I did in the morning was to wake up my phone and tapped on insta for no reason. The last thing I did at night was to scroll insta to my heart’s content, there’s no reason either. Sometimes when I felt like posting a story, I spent time coming up with the best filter, gifs, and caption. After I posted, I worried about others’ opinions toward my story. Was I happier with the accompany of instagram? The answer was definitely no. But why was I so stuck on this cute evil platform? I found no reason. Therefore, the practice of quitting instagram has started to take back my life.
What I Have Done
The first thing I did was to replace the insta icon with a crossword game. Whenever I felt the urge to click on instagram, I tapped on the same position and opened a crossword. I also set rules for myself. The only pastime I could do on my phone was watching YouTube videos. It was really painful to kick a habit in the beginning. After all, I had been addicted to insta for more than 3 months. I was so eager to get rid of instagram that guiltiness surged over me when I accidentally click on the pink icon. After three days of hard work, I found a more peaceful way to deal with my addiction. Whenever the idea of browsing insta popped up, I admitted it and let the thought run in my head. I’d asked myself three questions: a) why I have to use insta, b) am I happy with browsing insta, and c) what I can do if I save these scrolling time. The truth was that if I blamed myself for having these thoughts, things got worse and I felt more terrible (see the ironic process theory).
Another Reflection
The three questions I asked myself led to the same conclusion: I was afraid of failures. It seemed ridiculous, but it was real. I was afraid of not doing well on studies or projects, so I hid in a virtual world where anxiety was covered by eye-catching pictures and videos (although they did bring much more anxiety that I was not aware of). Gliding the smooth turf was way more soothing than thinking or solving problems. I could have kept this habit and lived happily (but boringly). However, I was not satisfied with it, so the loop kept going.
And Now…
After talking to myself for one or two weeks, I finally face my weaknesses regarding social media addiction. At present, instagram seldom pops up in my head. We have reached a peaceful balance. It feels really powerful and satisfying when things are getting in control. I no longer feel itchy when seeing those bright pink circles on the homepage. I can enjoy me-time without pictures and memes sparkling like a haunted nightmare. I can do whatever I want without insta, and it does no harm to my life (actually it has been better without its harassment). I don’t agree that hiding from social media is the most ideal choice. After all, social media provides the most instant way to build connections with friends and families. However, I learned that it is important to give myself a break. All these struggles of dealing with insta addiction have put me back in the driving seat of my body, mind, and spirit.
Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash